Management Matters

Each edition Jackie Astbury, our Training Manager, will look at the ‘managerial side of life’ and focus on management development, providing guidance, tips, techniques and practical advice on an assortment of topics including performance management, conflict management, time management and many more.

We continue on our journey looking at managing your time and specifically with our spin off series ‘Stop doing/Start doing’. As managing your time is an individual thing, as usual I will be presenting a ‘buffet of ideas, tips and techniques’. The idea being, if you like the sound of something, stop, grab a plate and tuck in, if not, then move on.

What is it about the inability to say no? Sometimes it feels like saying yes is a default position that we adopt, and even when we should or really need to say no, we ignore all sensible thoughts and out comes a big ‘yes I’ll do it.’ Is it a British thing in that we don’t want to offend or, shudder the thought, be seen as impolite?

What we do quite simply is say yes to others and no to ourselves (gosh that was quite deep for me). Therefore you put other people’s time before yours and you are basically saying their time is more important.

I went on a health kick a few years ago (it didn’t last) and I’d been really, really good and then I got an invite to, of all things, a flipping ‘ice cream tasting market research’ (cue Alanis Morissette song…. ‘Ironic’ not ‘Flipping ice cream tasting market research’) ‘Eat as much ice cream as you like and get paid for it’, this sounds like the dream of all dreams. ‘Oh go on’ said the market research lady ‘you don’t get many opportunities like this. Your friend can sign up as well.’ I wavered for a few seconds and she then said ‘ok so I’ll sign you up’

You have never seen resolve thrown out of the window so fast. I took it as a sign from the anti-diet gods. Afterwards in the haze of my ice cream hangover (or head freeze) I wondered why on earth after weeks of being good and resisting stuff I couldn’t do the Grange Hill thing and ‘just say no’. I thought about the weeks of not eating naughty foods and it occurred to me that the one factor that differed this time was that there were people involved. I could have just declined, but no I succumbed to the old favourite ‘peer pressure’. Saying no for me is more of a problem when it involves others. This ‘ice cream insight’ (as it is now named) led me to think about the one area where I must admit, I do have issues with and that is saying no to other people.

By always saying yes to someone you feed their habit of coming to you all the time. They will almost expect you each time to say yes and eventually the expectation may be so engrained they don’t even ask!

It may well stem from a want to please other people or make life easier but whatever the reason if it is an issue for you then you need to learn how to say no.

So here are some suggestions

• Once you have listened say no first of all. ‘No I’m sorry I have to finish this report.’ Or ‘I’m sorry but I will have to say no this time’.
  Be polite, pleasant but be firm and speak clearly. They may keep asking you, so this is where you rephrase and repeat your refusal, don’t waver and do that ‘oh go on then’ thing as the perception you give is that even when you say no you can be ground down. Don’t feel guilty you have a right to say no.
• You may want to offer assistance at a later date ‘However, I can help you out next week.’ Or you may want to offer an alternative, ‘No I can’t I’m afraid but I could do…’ Only do this if you have the time, capacity and inclination to assist. Never, ever say yes until you know what you are agreeing to and more specifically what it will entail (this is how I got introduced to cider at 15 = not good) It sounds so obvious but can you honestly say you appraise the request before agreeing? What does it involve? How long will it take to complete? What are the implications of taking on the task? Am I the right person to do it? What will be the impact on your present duties? Etc.
• So listen – say no – give reasons – if appropriate you may want to offer an alternative

That’s all well and good I hear you say but what if it is my boss that’s asking? Well first of all be clear in your head about the amount of work you have and then get as much information as possible about the task and ascertain what is expected. If you feel it is going to be difficult, explain to your boss what current projects and commitments you have and then ask for assistance in deciding what is a priority, the ongoing tasks or the new task. You are basically getting your boss to set what is important to him/her and make a decision based upon that.

Whatever the situation it is important to learn to say no at times in order to achieve your goals and focus on your priorities, otherwise if you end up doing too much for others you achieve very little for yourself.

For more information about management training for your business or for a friendly chat on guidance on training and development of staff contact Jackie Astbury on jackieastbury@chadlaw.co.uk or telephone 0113 2523452.